• Dalton Duncan is fracking awesome. That’s what we said. source

• His management has been trying to book a tour. One of the regulations Conan has on his contract is that he can’t show up on TV in any role besides an actor until September. But they didn’t say anything about showing up live! So, instead of sitting on the beach drinking mojitos for nine months, he decided that he’d rather be working. If this goes off, it’s gonna rule. Team Coco for life! source

• He grabs my shoulder .. and I just react BOOM get off me! He put a condor grip on me. What am I supposed to do?
• LMFAO rapper Sky Blu • Regarding the Mitt Romney airplane incident where Romney reportedly got attacked by someone on an airplane. That someone was reportedly Sky Blu. LMFAO, who sucks so much that they can be put into the same sentence as Cisco Adler, is a shit-hop group. Yeah, that’s right, we called it shit-hop. What are you gonna do about it? Anyway, here’s the video of them explaining exactly what they say happened. Sky Blu claims Romney, that conservative icon, drew first blood. We hope he did. LOL. source

• “Where are they? Where … are they?” Keith Olbermann’s recent statement on racism in the Tea Party movement strikes us as a little true, a little untrue, a little harsh, and a good bit needed. (The context which he brings to his criticism, going from Don Imus to John Mayer, helps his point some.) Now, there are black tea party members (who apparently stick out like sore thumbs if the photo we used with that article says anything), but the overarching point that he’s getting at is one much-better-explained than his MSNBC counterpart Chris Matthews – race is a complex thing in this country and the relative uniformity of the Tea Party movement is an example of how far we still need to go. Is he wrong? Are we? Let us know.

• What policy? A 1978 law limited how employers could be punished for misclassifying employees as contractors, but in 1986 an exception was made for engineers and computer workers specifically.
• The effect The exception affected workers like Stack, forcing the employees to have to pay back taxes if the IRS found that they were misclassified. It’s an issue Obama’s still trying to reform today.
• Joe’s issue Stack spent $5,000 of his own money lobbying to change the law to no effect. The change forced him to pay significant backroll taxes due to his contractor status. He compared himself to a slave. source

• Not being able to get out there and have sex has really been tough on me. I’ve missed it. I love #(&#(@! with all my heart.
• “Tiger Woods” • In an alternate version of the statement as imagined by The Onion. The article, which is beyond dirty, describes dirty acts using golf terminology. Best part? The quote: “‘I’m so glad Tiger is coming back,’ said 27-year-old Florida resident and cocktail waitress Brandi Hughes. ‘He’s the best.'” source

• Everything we expected, and less. Tiger Woods’ airtight public relations machine wanted to make sure nothing fell apart in his statement, and, yeah, it didn’t. But we also learned that they’ve learned nothing from this situation and are treating it just like everything else since the scandal broke. Leave your boy airtight guys. Let’s see how much it helps his rep. Here’s a recap and analysis of what he said:

Key phrase from the statement

• I ask you to find room in your heart to one day believe in me again.
• Tiger Woods • At the end of his public statement, which was perhaps the least-riveting piece of live TV we’ve ever seen. The lack of excitement on Woods’ face was visible – and then some. After he said this, he hugged his mom, who also looked very unhappy to be there. He didn’t veer off the script one bit.

Five things we learned from the statement:

• 1st The press has been stalking his wife and kids; that’s not nice, paparazzi!
• 2nd He could return to golf as soon as this year, but maybe not. It’s up in the air.
• 3rd He doesn’t plan to bring up his many mistresses by name, based on today.
• 4th Elin Nordegren didn’t hit him, apparently, as famously thought. He flatly denied it.
• 5th Tiger is still a Buddhist, but he fell away from his religion over the last few years.

Three things to take from this statement:

• Tiger’s PR still sucks This was such a controlled event that you could tell Woods would’ve snapped like a twig if he turned the wrong way. The lack of questions from the press is complete bull. His handlers are handling him way too tightly, leaving no room at all.
• nothing’s gonna change “These are issues between a husband and a wife.” Woods isn’t going to let go of his privacy after the mea culpa, which is a huge mistake on his part, because it means these questions will continue to dog him forever.
• Mobile mea culpa We watched this statement live from our iPhone using the CNN app and it allowed us to live-tweet the story with little trouble. Our society is in a great place if we can watch a man’s life fall apart live on a mobile phone. source