• We admit it, we were watching a movie when this happened. It was called “The Foot Fist Way.” It stars Danny McBride as a tae kwon do instructor. It was entertaining, but not nearly as entertaining as this mess of accidental terrorism. Like that movie, this story had an anticlimactic ending. Here’s a timeline:

• 5:19 Plane leaves Reagan National Airport in D.C. and heads to Denver; happens daily.
• 8:30 Dude lights a smoke because he can’t wait a #(&(&@ hour for the flight to land.
• 8:40 Military escorts the flight to Denver because they think he has a friggin’ bomb.
• 10:07 ABC reports that dude is the second coming of the shoe bomber. Others follow.
• 11:00 It’s proven he didn’t have a bomb, but instead an insane nicotine habit. source

• normal Two women (a wife and step-daughter) tried to to get their 91-year-old patriarch on a flight to Germany.
• weird They neglected to mention, however, that old boy was dead, which was plainly clear from looking at him. Oops. source

• $45 cost each way to store an item overhead if you don’t join some stupid little club
• $30 cost each way to store that same item if you are smart and reserve a spot ahead of time
• $20 cost each way if you join their club; join our “don’t fly Spirit Airlines” club instead source

• Know what would’ve been really impressive? If Mike Perber had managed his record-breaking elbow-to-hand quarters attempt while the quake was happening. Then we’ be really impressed. Gawker thinks it’s a hoax, but we think it’s just a bizarre attention grab. (He’s done this before.) source

• Hank Johnson, who beat Cynthia McKinney in 2006, literally suggests in this clip that if Guam gets too over-populated, the whole country will tip over and capsize. Which may in fact be the dumbest thing we’ve ever heard a politician say. The general he’s talking to at this congressional meeting has the perfect response to defuse that mind nugget: “We don’t anticipate that.” That was actually fairly effective. source

• cause A bunch of suspected pirates attempted to attack the U.S. Navy ship, the USS Nicholas, which was in the Indian Ocean. You know, a powerful U.S. Navy ship with a massive crew.
• effect The crew returned fire, chased after the suspected pirates’ skiff, sank it, arrested them, went to the mothership and arrested THOSE suspected pirates. In all, five stupid people were arrested. source

• Canon is sure an arrogant company. They think, for some reason, that they’re worthy of their own top-level domain, unlike every other company out there. We think this is really stupid, because, well, their top-level domain opens up the possibility of a .cocacola or a .southoftheborder, which means that what’s a fairly simple domain structure becomes unspeakably complex.

• bad standardThe reason why top-level domains work well as-is, mostly, is because they create an open environment. By getting their own top-level domain, Canon creates a walled garden separate from the rest of the Web.
• Is it really easier? Canon seems convinced that it’s easier to type in my.canon (or whatever) than it is to type in canon.com. People have been typing canon.com for 15 years; changing it makes it harder. It’s branding gone amok.
• showing restraint To us, this idea suggests a need to figure out just when the best time would be to pull out the generalized top level domains. Because it appears Canon’s taking a road down a slippery slope with this move.

.canon domains we’d like to see

• » pachelbels.canon: One of the most well-known pieces of music is Pachelbel’s Canon, and that’s been around way longer than Canon has.
  
• » isthis.furry.buffyfanfic.canon: The main definition of “canon” refers to whether something is part of a story’s universe. And you could probably have fun with it, too.
  
• » potato.canon: Some jokers will probably come up with clever uses of the TLD, although if they’re like this, they’ll totally be wrong, because “cannon” has two N’s.
• » myprintersucks.itsmadeby.canon: If Canon really wanted to be bold with this idea, they’d let people buy dissenting domains that criticize both the brand and its products.
  

• The sound of a pending pink slip “World’s Greatest Dad” may have seemed like the proper title for the father of this kid who directed traffic at JFK Airport one day, but instead it’s “World’s Biggest Idiot.” An airport supervisor and an air traffic controller (i.e. the boss and his idiot worker) were suspended as a result of this incident, which managed to take away from the luster of Sully’s pending retirement. Miracle on the Hudson? More like miracle nobody died thanks to this kid. source

• This is not Obama’s seat, it’s the people’s seat!
• Republican Illinois Congressman Mark Kirk • Regarding Obama’s old Senate seat in Illinois, which he’s likely to win the primary for today. … Anyway, back up. This line is a total rip-off of Scott Brown’s effective campaign line during the Massachusetts Senate campaign. Obama held this seat for one term. A term he didn’t even finish because he was elected president. Ted Kennedy held his seat for two generations. How is this the same thing? Seriously, this line is beyond stupid. Obama didn’t even get the seat warm! source