• In our first piece of breaking news from Newsday since our $5-a-week paywall infiltration subscription began, we’re informed that a redhead who likes science and his classmates are going to compete for some national award sponsored by Intel. The kids are up for awards of up to $100,000, which is cool. Good luck, guys, but we’re seriously spending $5 a week on this crap? How is this even remotely breaking? There’s nothing heady about it. (BTW, if you want to read the story, you’ll have to subscribe. Them’s the breaks of a paywall.) source

• When we read yesterday that Newsday had a total of 35 subscribers to its paywall-riddled Web site, we wondered how this could be. How could only 35 people who weren’t subscribed to Cablevision or the print product say, “I’m paying Newsday $5 a week for some of the best damn journalism to be found on Long Island!” So, we decided to find out why. ShortFormBlog is now Customer No. 36.

Subscription notes:

• one They don’t bill you right away or ask for your credit card. Instead, Newsday.com staff contacts you afterwards. This is stupid.
• two You have to give them your phone number. And the registration thing is written as if you live in New York state. We live in D.C., dudes.
• three Newsday gives you a huge list of ways you can receive news from them. This includes e-mail and SMS alerts. We signed up; hey, we paid for it!

Review of Newsday’s signup process:

• C- it clearly doesn’t understand how online commerce works source

• What I really would love to do is get him to do some of the things I get to do. It would be nice if he were here at Sundance maybe, wearing this coat, talking about I Am Love. And why not? Every girl should have a doppelganger.
• Tilda Swinton • Regarding the possibility of playing Conan O’Brien in a late-night-related movie. This is freaking awesome for a lot of reasons. Swinton looks just like a female Conan and she’s an Oscar-winning actress. And on his last episode, Conan suggested – jokingly – that Swinton would be the perfect actress to play him. Let this actually happen, gods of awesome. And could Bob Hoskins play Jay Leno please? source

• “Pleasure doing business with you. Ow! Ow! Julius, what are you doing? Are you SHOOTING PENNIES AT ME? Why, I’ll never work with ShortFormBlog ever again. You guys are ShortFormJerks!”

• NO something about being the president, y’know source

• “I’m gonna try nothin’ to see if I get somethin’.” After a frustrating year, you just have to imagine President Obama is at his wit’s end – and this clip imagines how he would handle it if he let his veneer crack just one iota. It’s spot-on.

• Good idea, better reaction. Uncle Fester, a.k.a. Steve Ballmer, was caught off guard when a college student asked him to sign his Macbook Pro. Without losing a beat, the Microsoft Chairman and CEO signed it for him, with the phrase “Need a new one?” plastered on it in permanent marker. Awesome from all corners. source

• When police found him, he was playing “Grand Theft Auto.” Michael Ray Ekes likes stealing cars just as much as the next video game fan. Problem is, he’s suspected of doing it in real life. Police arrested Ekes, who was already out on bail for grand theft auto charges, after he was suspected of stealing another car. What can you say? The dude likes stealing cars. source

• Remember “Star Wars Kid“? It was one of the earliest viral videos and it ruined the kid’s life for a number of years, mainly because he didn’t put it online. This guy is like a grown-up version of “Star Wars Kid,” except he knows how to use his sword and perhaps doesn’t realize how awkward the sweatsuit and ponytail make him look. We look forward to this guy becoming a pop culture phenomenon, too.