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20 Aug 2009 22:01

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Offbeat: How parents used to ruin kids’ lives: Crappy lunchboxes

If we saw a kid carrying around this math-loving box for his lunch, we’d give him a swirlie. And we’re pacifists. source

20 Aug 2009 15:18

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Offbeat, U.S.: Resume fabricator Antwon Womack drops out of the race

  • This race has just gotten to be too much for me.
  • Birmingham, Alabama school board candidate Antwon Womack • Whose pumped-up resume got him into a world of criticism (and us into world of hilarity). He will drop out of the race today. • source

20 Aug 2009 10:27

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Offbeat: Putpockets: They’re like pickpockets except with good intentions

If you’re in London and find couple extra pounds in your pocket, credit some pickpockets who are making up for their sins. source

20 Aug 2009 02:02

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Offbeat, U.S.: Meet Antwon Womack, perhaps the most inept politician ever

  • Antwon Womack is running for the Birmingham, Alabama school board (✓) in a district he reportedly doesn’t even live (✓) after giving false credentials – lying about going to college (✓), lying about his age (✓), lying about which high school he went to (✓), lying about graduating from high school (✓✓✓✓✓✓✓✓), and calling himself a doctor (ahahahahah ✓). His political career is over before it even began, and this video deserves to seal the coffin.source

19 Aug 2009 22:07

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Offbeat: These ostriches make you hungry, don’t they?

Ostrich farming
  • Ostrich farming, currently catching on in South Africa, has a lot of benefits: The meat is healthier and less fatty, there’s a higher percentage of it on a single ostrich than cattle or chicken, and they only take about a year to be ready for consumption. So why aren’t you eating an ostrich burger already?source

19 Aug 2009 11:23

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Offbeat: Nearly as good as Barney Frank: Monkey washes bear on Japanese TV

  • No Nazi accusations pop up in this video. We promise. Just a cute monkey trying to wash bears with a hose, complete with laugh track.source

18 Aug 2009 22:52

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Offbeat: Thank you for scarring our eyes: Bea Arthur painted nude

We don’t want to travel down that road and back again. Daily Beast, your heart may be true, but you’re not a pal or confidante. (The link’s not NSFW; the art is.) source
 

16 Aug 2009 21:45

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Offbeat: Here’s the kind of story lede you don’t see everyday

  • A Sprint executive died Friday night when a boulder fell off a Colorado mountain and landed on his car.
  • A report by KMBC • About the death of 45-year-old Thomas Murphy, whose family had a really crappy vacation this weekend. How often do boulders fall onto vehicles, and how often do they kill Sprint executives? Yikes. One of Murphy’s three children was also injured, but the other two (along with Murphy’s wife Jennifer) were unhurt. • source

14 Aug 2009 20:30

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Offbeat: Want to stop a zombie attack? You have three hours. Go.

  • Only sufficiently frequent attacks, with increasing force, will result in eradication, assuming the available resources can be mustered in time.
  • The authors of an article called “When Zombies Attack!: Mathematical Modeling of an Outbreak of Zombie Infection” • Discussing how to survive a zombie attack. The authors also note that the attack has a limited timeframe. In a city of 500,000, you have about three hours to prevent the level of zombies from topping the level of humans. So basically, you need to be Simon Pegg to survive. • source

14 Aug 2009 12:33

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Offbeat: This is why you should sit down on a school bus, idiots.

  • The video’s funny, but the truth is: This girl could’ve been hurt really badly because she didn’t sit down. Idiot! Next time, let us stand up instead! We’re a blog. We won’t get hurt.source