• He wanted to compete in the hot-dog eating contest. But he wouldn’t sign an exclusive contract with the dudes who run it (“Major League Eating” – we’re not kidding, that’s what they’re called), so when he ran onto the stage after the event, he was arrested. This is the hot-dog-eating equivalent of running onto the field during a football game in the midst of a contract hold-out. And you know what? It’s going to reflect really badly on the corporatized nature of what was once a goofy, fun event. (By the way, Joey Chestnut won for a fourth year in a row. But he only ate 54 hot dogs – far short of his own record.) source

• 1 dude blew off his arm with fireworks by accident (USA!!! USA!!!) source

• His mom doesn’t like him doing this. It’s for completely irrational reasons. She thinks he’s going to tear down the walls and the ceiling. But let’s face it. This kid is brilliant. He’s a DIY Spiderman. And is sure to win over some of the laa-dies. source

• Let’s face it. Everyone’s known this about politics for years. It’s just a game of sanding off as much about your personality as possible in an attempt to not outwardly offend anyone. Unless you’re Alvin Greene. Then it’s a matter of getting through another interview without completely falling apart. That’s the kind of game that we like.

Weekly Address: Jobs Creation from White House Weekly Address on Vimeo.

• For people who think that avant garde music and film is completely stupid, The Onion agrees with you. They agree with you so much, in fact, that they created this spot-on parody of the avant-garde movement, using Obama’s weekly video addresses as a vector. It’s the funniest non-good-timing thing they’ve done in a while. source

• This duck could totally make a routine out of this. Give him some bread and he’ll go all Fred Astaire on you. He should use his skills to speak out for his oil-soaked brethren in the Gulf Coast. Just sayin’.

• This was Austin Spriggs’ property back in 2006. This was during the real estate boom. For some reason, he decided to hold out from the bevy of offers made for his D.C. property. Now, his property looks like this – and he can’t get anyone to buy it so that he can avoid foreclosure. It’s kinda like throwing away a lottery ticket, right? source

• Remember this scene right here? It’s a pretty awesome scene from one of our favorite movies. Now, imagine that Mr. Herman was a German college student. And that, instead of (immediately after this scene) dancing on a bar stool to “Tequila,” he threw a puppy at them. Then he got away on a bulldozer. And then caused a huge traffic jam. Well, stop imagining, because it actually happened. Minus Pee-Wee. source

• This may be the saddest video ever. Touchdown Jesus, a large statue visible on I-75 in Monroe, Ohio, was destroyed by a lightning strike last night. Damage has been set at $700,000 – $300,000 for the statue itself and another $400,000 for damage to the ampitheater. Stupid acts of God, ruining great things. source