• This song is like seven minutes long. It’s like they couldn’t fit all the celebrities that wanted to help in a three-minute tune so they just made it longer and added lots of breakdowns. Including creepy appearances by a deceased Michael Jackson, who we’re sure would be helping if he were still alive (since he co-wrote the song). But that said, however misguided, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t help Haiti. So donate. Anyway, our recap of the video:

• » Best moment: Lil’ Wayne busting out the autotune because he can’t sing at all. There was a rap breakdown, man. Why didn’t you bust out a couple of rhymes on that?
• » Second best moment: Wyclef Jean throwing some vitality into that second chorus. He’s pretty much the most welcome voice on the whole production.
• » Second worst moment: Teen super-heartthrob Justin Bieber singing the intro like a 12-year-old girl. Downright awful replacement for Lionel Richie.
• » Worst moment: The rap breakdown, which we’re sure wasn’t in the original version. It wasn’t necessary for any other reason but to get more people on the record.
• » Oddest celebrity cameo: Barbara Streisand, who barely – just barely – took this mantle from Tony Bennett. She was simply a downright strange choice.

• He has to keep busy while Lil’ Wayne’s in jail, right? Word on the street is that Birdman, a.k.a. Bryan Williams, is getting in the oil business with his brother and Cash Money Records co-founder Ronald “Slim” Williams. They have a Web site and everything. It’s called Bronald Oil & Gas. Wonder how they came up with the name. source

• Yeah yeah, we know this is a day late. We got held up by the snow. Stop yelling at us! We’re sensitive.

• hefty
• peerless
• worn
• dour
• quavering

• 9 music videos shot for three albums last weekend; holy crap source

• I don’t want this to get pushed back anymore. This is the last adjournment.
• Judge Charles H. Solomon • Regarding the delay of Lil’ Wayne’s sentencing due to dental surgery this weekend. His tooth is cracked. So he remains out of jail until March 2. Most awesome excuse ever. source

• We’ll try to keep the music scene warm for you, man. Wayne, who’s going to plea guilty to gun charges today, will have to start his prison sentence immediately, as per the plea bargain he has. Due to his growing up in a rough neighborhood, he might have a better handle on jail than other celebrities of his stature, but definitely don’t expect him to be treated like a normal prisoner. He’s just too famous. source

• 8.4 the rating of “One Life Stand,” which may blow them up source

Previous Pitchfork ratings

• 7.0 the rating of their breakthrough to mainstream popularity, “Made in the Dark” source
• 8.1 the rating of second platter “The Warning,” which they call a “step forward” source
• 8.0 the rating of first album “Coming on Strong,” which was a tad bit cheeky source

• D+ who are these old losers; where did they put The Who? search

• then The Who’s Pete Townsend was put on a sex-offender list for registering for a child porn site in 1999. He claimed it was for book research. Despite the case, Townsend was not found in possession of any images by Scotland Yard and had cooperated with the investigation. He was cleared of any wrongdoing.
• now Townsend, who’s playing at the Super Bowl tonight, is getting an earful from Child AbuseWatch, which is using the case to draw attention to child abuse issues. Townsend’s take? “It’s an issue that’s very difficult to deal with in sound bites.… I kind of feel like we’re all on the same side.” source

• This is kind of awesome. Comparing stock trends with pop hits (complete with links to YouTube videos for each song) is pretty brilliant. In case you’re wondering, the songs are chosen not by their popularity, but by their beat variance. They represent the average. Which is why Erasure’s 1994 hit “Always” got picked over Bon Jovi’s 1994 hit “Always.” source