• In your time of pain and suffering, may it increase upon you tenfold if you mock Gary Coleman. Prayer is what he needs.
• M.C. Hammer • Throwing down the gauntlet against those mocking Coleman, he of short stature who is in a Utah hospital in critical condition today after a fall. Absolutely zero details have been released beyond that. Twitter’s chattering amongst itself. Best of wishes, little guy. We hope you pull through. source

• Thirteen years ago, Microsoft gave Apple a big loan. Since then, Steve Jobs has become a bit of a graybeard but he’s also turned Apple into a company that’s now bigger than Microsoft. Literally. It just happened yesterday. How? Check out our AOL News article. It explains everything. Essentially, Apple’s market capitalization is based on their future potential. Microsoft’s is based on their continuing huge profits. source

• What went down: The Financial Times reported that China was thinking about ditching their European debt, which would be a huge blow for Europe’s economy. However, China denied these rumors, and reassured investors. Essentially, they stayed the course and singlehandedly turned stocks around. Not bad for doing nothing.

• 1.7% the increase in the Dow Jones Industrial this morning
• 2% the leap in
  the broader S&P 500
  after the news
• 2.3% the leap in the tech-heavy Nasdaq 500 on the news source

• The internet as we know it will no longer be able to grow. That doesn’t mean it will cease to function, but entry could be limited to new devices.
• RIPE NCC chief scientist Daniel Karrenberg • Regarding the quick decline of IPv4 and the slow adoption of IPv6. The combination of the two problems – iPv4 running out of addresses, while many companies sit on the fence regarding IPv6 – means that we could run out of IP addresses in eighteen months. At which point, if you buy a gadget and it can’t get online, don’t blame us. We’re just the messenger. source

• YES but we’ll see if it actually holds up ok source

• 97 Linkletter’s age when the genial variety host died today

• first “People are Funny,” which may be the most obviously-named show in the history of television. Try harder.
• second “House Party,” which featured the obviously-named “Kids Say the Darndest Things” sketches. source

• Greyson Chance is the first signee on Ellen’s new label. Two weeks ago, the preteen Web sensation was made into an even bigger Web sensation by the hand of Ellen Degeneres, who put the Gaga-mimicking singer on the phone with Lady Gaga. Now he’s on Ellen’s new label, eleveneleven. We hope it’s a failure. Sorry Ellen. source

• If you’ve ever used the internet, you could’ve seen this coming from a while away. After House Republicans launched a site looking for democratic input on their new agenda, the site got overloaded with comments that perhaps didn’t show the GOP’s decision-making process in the best light. A few samples to nosh on:

• one“Require all Muslims in the U.S. to wear ankle bracelet transponders so we know where the terrorists are at all times.”
• two“Consensual bestiality should not be illegal. No, I am not joking. Everything I’ve said is logically sound.”
• three “End the idea of Net Neutrality. American’s do not need the government censoring our websites for us.”

And the best answer goes to …

• We need to train an army of Ninja Cats. Cats are natural born hunters and predators, and it is known that they indeed have 9 lives, many more than the typical human life (being one).
• An absolute genius • Saying everything that needs to be said about this endeavor. It’s absolutely perfect in its conceit – the world needs stronger counter-terror measures, and how much stronger could you get than ninja cats? You know, seriously. source

• Now we are not going to stop drilling in the Gulf tomorrow, folks. Let’s be realistic. There are 48,000 wells out there. One of them went sour. About 30 percent of our transportation fuel comes from the Gulf. You think Americans are going to suddenly stop driving to work tomorrow? Do you think people are going to stop driving the trucks to deliver the goods to the department stores? Not going to happen.
• Sen. John Kerry • Pointing out the ugly truth about the oil spill, which is that, put into perspective, we really need to be offshore drilling to keep up with energy demands. Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it, crazy dreaming environmentalists. That dream of yours? It’s in a pipe. A pipe distributing oil. source