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02 Jan 2011 11:47

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U.S.: Bad idea: Pretending to be a comedian when you’re in the Navy

  • Dear Capt. Owen Honors: Look, we know it gets lonely when you’re out to sea, but you’re not Dane Cook. You’re held to a higher standard than Dane Cook, as our good friends at the Virginian-Pilot reminded you when they put this video on their site. There’s a lot of not-kosher comedy in here, OK for, say, Carlos Mencia or Denis Leary. But for the people on the U.S.S. Enterprise who had to watch these terrible excuses for comedy, they were just a wee bit offended. Leave the comedy to Louis CK (or these guys) so you don’t get reprimanded. source
Posted by Ernie Smith • 0 Comments • Permalink

02 Jan 2011 01:58

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U.S.: Protip: If your water bottle falls into Lake Michigan, let it go

  • My whole family was like that, we all have lead feet. Who would care about a water bottle? … I’m just like in damn disbelief.
  • Debra Hilling • On the death of her son, Michael. See, Michael, who couldn’t swim, jumped into Lake Michigan in an attempt to recover his girlfriend’s water bottle, which had fallen in. You know, on January 1st, in Chicago. The emergency call was received at 12:08 a.m., by the way, just minutes into 2011. Fark calls it “The first Darwin Award of 2011.” We just call it extremely unfortunate. See, Michael’s first anniversary with his girlfriend was Friday night. Now we’re really sad. Poor guy. source
Posted by Ernie Smith • 0 Comments • Permalink

01 Jan 2011 21:20

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U.S.: Mario Cuomo tickled pink over son’s footsteps-following

Meet the happiest man in Albany: Nearly two decades since Mario Cuomo left the governor’s mansion in Albany, his son Andrew checked in today. Someone’s planning a sleepover! source
Posted by Ernie Smith • 0 Comments • Permalink

01 Jan 2011 20:06

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U.S.: Good: Some airports replacing the TSA with private firms

  • If you look at [the TSA’s] performance, have they ever stopped a terrorist? Anyone can get through. We’ve been very lucky, very fortunate. TSA should focus on its mission: setting up the protocol, adapting to the changing threats and gathering intelligence.
  • Rep. John L. Mica • Arguing that the TSA should go away in some of the nation’s largest airports. Some of them have already made the decision on their own – sixteen separate airports have switched to private firms since 2002, some in cities as big as San Francisco and Kansas City. And DC’s two main airports are thinking of getting rid of the TSA, too. Not that we’re going out of the way to agree with GOP members, but we think that Mica is absolutely right that the TSA was “never intended to be an army of 67,000 employees.” The private firms, by the way (so we don’t get too crazy effusive with our praise here), have to provide the same level of security and must use the same tools (including the pat-downs and the full-body scans), and must follow TSA guidelines … so it’s not that different. But they can provide a personal touch that a blob like the TSA might not. source
Posted by Ernie Smith • 0 Comments • Permalink

01 Jan 2011 19:31

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U.S.: DC’s “murder capital” status fades away, and then some

  • 131 number of homicides in DC in 2010, down nine percent from 2009 (from 141 killings)
  • seven of the last ten years have had fewer than 200 homicides; DC was once the U.S. “murder capital”
  • 1963 the last year the homicide total was so low in the nation’s capital source
Posted by Ernie Smith • 0 Comments • Permalink

01 Jan 2011 09:35

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U.S.: Protip: Sexual enhancement drinks really freaking dangerous

  • Soooooo … word of advice: If you end up on a site like this that sells a beverage-like product supposedly designed to increase your sexual stamina, do yourself a favor and don’t buy the drink, because it includes unsanctioned drugs that could lower your blood pressure. In case you’re wondering where we got the advice from, it’s from this guy named “Common Sense.” Also, the FDA pushed its maker into a voluntary recall. source
Posted by Ernie Smith • 0 Comments • Permalink

31 Dec 2010 19:52

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U.S.: Texas bank hostage situation ends without a hitch

  • Hey, suspects who held this bank hostage for hours: Guess what the army of police officers did when they finally caught you. That’s right, they Chased you out of there! Ha ha ha ha ha, we’re so clever, we’ve been saving that one up for hours. By the way, one hostage was minorly injured but the suspects were caught and every other hostage (including the one above) was safe, with some released while the incident was still taking place. source
Posted by Ernie Smith • 0 Comments • Permalink
 

31 Dec 2010 16:55

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U.S.: Texas bank robbery: Thirty officers for every hostage inside

  • one gunman holding up a Texas bank
  • two hostages are inside with the gunman
  • 60 officers outside; don’t screw this up source
Posted by Ernie Smith • 0 Comments • Permalink

31 Dec 2010 12:54

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U.S.: Protip: Don’t drive your car in North Dakota today

We heard a rumor about there being a 100-car pile-up somewhere in this mess in North Dakota, but we can’t seem to make it out. Too much freaking snow. source
Posted by Ernie Smith • 0 Comments • Permalink

31 Dec 2010 11:03

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U.S.: Did New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson pardon Billy the Kid?

  • NO not enough firm evidence, says Gov. Richardson source
Posted by Ernie Smith • 0 Comments • Permalink
 
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