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18 Jan 2011 11:01


Biz, Tech: Apple’s stock not reacting well to Steve Jobs’ medical leave

  • 5.2% decline the drop in Apple’s stock in the wake of yesterday’s announcement that Steve Jobs took medical leave
  • $19
    the amount of market value that was erased in the wake of Jobs’ temporary departure source
  • » Not enough to kill their swagga: Apple shares are still up 66 percent over the last twelve months, and have a higher market capitalization than any other technology stock. So, even without Jobs, they’re still in a good financial position.

17 Jan 2011 10:58


Biz, Tech: Stock futures market not liking Steve Jobs being sick again

  • Stock markets don’t have hearts. They’re giant money machines that react to news in callous, cold ways that don’t appreciate the nuances of a person’s achievements. Which is why, when someone like Steve Jobs takes a medical leave of absence – which isn’t the big Apple announcement everyone had been expecting (wait a second, this isn’t shaped like an iPad 2!) – stocks go haywire. Fortunately, they timed the news on MLK day, so the New York stock market gets a bit of a breather. But other markets are still open today, and the futures market isn’t liking the news either. Some quick numbers for you kids:
  • 7.5% Apple’s stock dip on the German stock market today after Jobs’ announcement
  • 0.9%stock futures dip on the NASDAQ – THE ENTIRE THING – this morning after the announcement
  • 0.3% stock futures dip on the S&P 500 – ALSO THE ENTIRE THING – after he dropped the bomb source

09 Dec 2010 11:10


U.S.: Federal health officials: Smoking causes immediate negative effects

  • cause Federal health officials say that smoking causes immediate damage in people’s lungs and DNA (even at tiny amounts), and must be prevented.
  • reaction The Obama administration (which includes a president that still smokes) will redouble its efforts to get people to stop smoking. Start with the president, guys. source

04 Dec 2010 14:46


U.S.: Good news, fat people: Lap-band surgery may become easier to get

  • 40 the BMI overweight people used to need to get the food-limiting lap-band surgery, which has become very popular
  • 35 the BMI an FDA panel now recommends for fat people to get the surgeries – if they don’t have health problems
  • 30 the BMI panel now recommends for lap-band surgery if you already have health problems source
  • » A good alternative: If you’re a fat person who can’t make sense of confusing traditional weight-loss programs, the FDA panel’s recommendation of looser standards for lap-band surgery could be a godsend for people would otherwise need to be chained to a wall to prevent them from eating in large quantities. Like us *chews laptop*.

16 Nov 2010 22:17


Politics: Dick Cheney’s dramatic change in appearance only took months

  • Dick Cheney, February 2010Earlier this year at CPAC, the former vice president gave a notable speech that put him in front of the public eye very notably. Soon after, his well-documented health problems crept back, leading to a lengthy hospital stay in July that led to months of speculation.
  • Dick Cheney, today At George W. Bush’s groundbreaking for his presidential library, Cheney showed up looking a heckuva lot thinner and a tad bit like C. Montgomery Burns. What happened? He lost a ton of weight in the hospital. But he’s reportedly doing a lot better. source

30 Dec 2009 21:55


Culture: Rush Limbaugh rushed to the hospital with chest pains

  • The uber-conservative icon was vacationing in Hawaii. Much like Obama and Nancy Pelosi, Rush Limbaugh decided to stay in the sun during the holidays. He was golfing earlier this week. But after a bout with chest pains, he was taken to the hospital today. We’ll keep you posted on our favorite blowhard’s condition. source
  • Update (2:16 a.m.): Our boy is resting comfortably. Also, some liberals on Twitter are being complete douchebags tonight. If you follow this site at all, you know it skews a little left, but at least tries to give both sides a fair shake. Hoping someone you don’t like dies is just awful. Stop it – you’re better than that, kids. *hand slap*