• Did they steal some of their melodies from The Shaggs? Final Placement isn’t sure what they want to be, or sound like, but they certainly know how to suck. There’s a little Nickelback, a bit of Default, a lot of earnestness, and even more Jesus going on in the mix here. The leg-kicking in unison around the 1:15 mark is pretty, uh, awesome, too. (Update: Reposted for the Monday morning crew. Enjoy, guys.)

• He grabs my shoulder .. and I just react BOOM get off me! He put a condor grip on me. What am I supposed to do?
• LMFAO rapper Sky Blu • Regarding the Mitt Romney airplane incident where Romney reportedly got attacked by someone on an airplane. That someone was reportedly Sky Blu. LMFAO, who sucks so much that they can be put into the same sentence as Cisco Adler, is a shit-hop group. Yeah, that’s right, we called it shit-hop. What are you gonna do about it? Anyway, here’s the video of them explaining exactly what they say happened. Sky Blu claims Romney, that conservative icon, drew first blood. We hope he did. LOL. source

• Everything we expected, and less. Tiger Woods’ airtight public relations machine wanted to make sure nothing fell apart in his statement, and, yeah, it didn’t. But we also learned that they’ve learned nothing from this situation and are treating it just like everything else since the scandal broke. Leave your boy airtight guys. Let’s see how much it helps his rep. Here’s a recap and analysis of what he said:

Key phrase from the statement

• I ask you to find room in your heart to one day believe in me again.
• Tiger Woods • At the end of his public statement, which was perhaps the least-riveting piece of live TV we’ve ever seen. The lack of excitement on Woods’ face was visible – and then some. After he said this, he hugged his mom, who also looked very unhappy to be there. He didn’t veer off the script one bit.

Five things we learned from the statement:

• 1st The press has been stalking his wife and kids; that’s not nice, paparazzi!
• 2nd He could return to golf as soon as this year, but maybe not. It’s up in the air.
• 3rd He doesn’t plan to bring up his many mistresses by name, based on today.
• 4th Elin Nordegren didn’t hit him, apparently, as famously thought. He flatly denied it.
• 5th Tiger is still a Buddhist, but he fell away from his religion over the last few years.

Three things to take from this statement:

• Tiger’s PR still sucks This was such a controlled event that you could tell Woods would’ve snapped like a twig if he turned the wrong way. The lack of questions from the press is complete bull. His handlers are handling him way too tightly, leaving no room at all.
• nothing’s gonna change “These are issues between a husband and a wife.” Woods isn’t going to let go of his privacy after the mea culpa, which is a huge mistake on his part, because it means these questions will continue to dog him forever.
• Mobile mea culpa We watched this statement live from our iPhone using the CNN app and it allowed us to live-tweet the story with little trouble. Our society is in a great place if we can watch a man’s life fall apart live on a mobile phone. source

• The Purple One may be one of the least likely judges of what makes a good team spirit song, but Prince does know something about the color purple. The real problem with this song is that it sounds like it’s designed to be sung at church, not at a Minnesota Vikings game. Somehow, this is even stranger than the name change was back in the day. This song could seriously be the billy goat for the entire state of Minnesota. source

• 50k bodies have already been collected by the Haitian government
• 40k bodies have been placed in mass graves, which is just awful
• 200k people could be dead, but the exact number will be elusive source

• Protip: If you sound anything remotely like Jason Mraz or Jack Johnson when you play guitar, your fingers should be webbed together using Crazy Glue so you can’t share your “gift’ with the world. Don’t ruin the greatest song ever, dude.

• Doctors Without borders says ALL hospitals in Haiti’s Port au Prince area have either collapsed or been abandoned.
• NBC anchor Ann Curry • On the devastated infrastructure of Haiti’s capital and largest city. Haitian authorities say that the quake has destroyed most of the city. Obama has offered significant help to the country, and there will be ways to get that help to Haitians – the airport appears to still be operable. But it appears that the city, ill-prepared for such a quake, is a complete disaster area. source