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20 Dec 2010 10:50

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U.S.: Newark airport terminal shut down because of computer monitor

  • scary A terminal at Newark International Airport was shut down for a while this morning after a suspicious package was found. It was emitting small amounts of radiation.
  • snore The package happened to be a computer monitor – a computer monitor! Oh, Newark – between this and the lovebird … really? Really? Come the frack on. source

09 Dec 2010 21:33

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U.S., World: Smart idea: TSA pats down India’s American ambassador

  • We are going to take it up with the government of United States, and I hope that things could be resolved so that such unpleasant incidents do not recur.
  • Indian Foreign Minister S.M. Krishna • Reacting to the shoddy treatment that the Indian ambassador to the U.S., Meera Shankar, got recently. That’s right, an ambassador got chosen for a pat down. But here’s the thing. Foreign leaders have the clout to make them stop. Regular people? They don’t. source

01 Dec 2010 12:36

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23 Nov 2010 21:01

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U.S.: TSA topic du jour: How much we pay for the body scanners

  • $130k+ the cost of buying a new TSA scanner – they sell for as much as $170,000
  • 500 number of new scanners that Obama wants to buy next year alone
  • $88M the amount set aside in his budget for such invasive things source
  • » A big business: A lot of money is going towards these devices – $80 million has been paid already for the ones already in use, most of that coming out of the stimulus. The effect has been that many firms are trying to get on what’s proving to be very fruitful business.

21 Nov 2010 21:57

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U.S.: Thanks Candy Crowley: The no-waver TSA begins to waver

  • Ah boy … Here comes the backtrack. Just hours after their leader, John Pistole, embarrassed himself on CNN’s “State of the Union” by suggesting that feeling people up was OK (thanks to some very tough questioning by host Candy Crowley), the TSA released a statement suggesting that they may in fact bend their policies. “This has always been viewed as an evolving program that will be adapted as conditions warrant,” the statement said, “and we greatly appreciate the cooperation and understanding of the American people.” How far will they bend? How much will they adapt? We’ll find out in the next episode of “TSA Chief Goes on Television and Comes off Looking Like a Jackass.” source

21 Nov 2010 14:21

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Politics: Max Headroom: TSA’s John Pistole says they can touch your junk

  • We’re trying out a new format for Max Headroom this week. The old format was nice, but we think this mix, with larger videos, might be easier on your squinty eyes. Check it out, and let us know what you think. And also, let us know how much the video below pisses you off:

  • Twelve minutes of evasion: Could TSA Chief John Pistole be more useless? He spends the entirety of this interview trying to explain in the vaguest terms possible how his bureaucracy isn’t going to budge despite a huge public outcry. Have to say that this jerk is really ticking us off.
  • Meet the guy in question Airport security target John Tyner was recently on Lawrence O’Donnell’s MSNBC show with noted libertarian free-liberty magician dude Penn Jillette. Personally, we’re amused by the fact that MSNBC’s tile cards refer to Tyner as the “Don’t touch my junk guy,” which is freaking hilarious. We gained more from watching this than we did the Pistole video.
  • … and they say TV news is useless Perhaps the biggest fail of the entire week was that of the WGN newscasters who waited to see a bridge collapse for ages, only to pan away just as it was happening. While claiming it’s a metaphor for their effervescent morning show, it’s really a metaphor for the Sam Zellified Tribune Company, which was asleep at the wheel for their recent bankruptcy.

12 Nov 2010 16:26

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U.S.: Protests growing against TSA’s ultra-invasive full-body scans

  • First off: Clever shirts, Despair. Second, are we finally reaching a point where regular people are starting to agree with our stance on the TSA? It appears that on November 24th, there’s going to be a protest against those super-invasive full-body scans. People will skip out on the process or not travel at all. That’s right, a TSA protest called “National Opt Out Day.” On the day before Thanksgiving, the busiest travel day of the entire year. Which is brilliant, but will piss off thousands of travelers in the process by making lines longer. Because the TSA is useless. source
 

20 Jul 2010 03:01

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Offbeat: Mexican monkey smuggler no match for airline security

  • 18 monkeys around this dude’s freaking waist source

24 Jan 2010 11:40

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U.S., World: Bin Laden audiotape: Plane attacks a communication device

  • The message sent to you with the attempt by the hero Nigerian Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab is a confirmation of our previous message conveyed by the heroes of September 11. If it was possible to carry our messages to you by words, we wouldn’t have carried them to you by planes.
  • “Osama bin Laden” • In an audio-taped message to President Obama claiming responsibility for the Dec. 25 attempt to blow up a plane in Detroit. While the U.S. can’t confirm it’s the leader, Al Jazeera put it on the air anyway. Bin Laden said that the attacks would continue “as U.S. support for Israel continues.” source

04 Jan 2010 00:37

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U.S.: Newark airport’s collective freak-out finally sorted out (almost)

  • There there, little girl, it’ll be OK soon, we swear. Flights at Newark Airport are finally starting to go out after hours of nightmares caused by some jerk who thought it’d be funny to skip out on security in one of the largest airports in the country. If she thinks waiting in line is bad, she could go outside and visit sunny Newark, where it’s probably freezing, the air is full of fresh-smelling chemicals,  and friendly people can’t wait to rob you. source