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21 Dec 2010 21:44


Politics: Dear Internet: We need a Salad Bar Security Administration, stat

  • So, CBS is reporting that a recent terror threat involved the poisoning of food. Here’s how it would’ve worked. First, the terror suspects would go to salad bars or buffets out in the open at hotels and restaurants and put poison (ricin and cyanide) in the food. Then, a bunch of people would get sick. Then they’d die. Next thing you know? Full-body scanners every time you go to Golden Corral, meaning that every time you just have to grab another rib from that delicious buffet of theirs, all the while avoiding the trailer trash you’re slumming with, you’ll have to put your fork and knife in little baggies. And then your plate will have to be sanitized with a crazy machine. The federal government will need to hire millions of people to ensure our ranch dressing is safe. And the unemployment rate will drop. And we’ll all be safe. Until that is, the terrorists start fucking with our air. Then, friends, we’re all dead. (Photo by jacobms, complete with bacon cameo.) source

04 Feb 2009 21:55


U.S.: Authorities prescribe new leads in Tylenol murders

  • What happened? In 1982, a number of bottles of Tylenol were laced with cyanide, killing seven people in Chicago and causing a nationwide recall of the product. The crime was never solved, but its maker, Johnson & Johnson, was able to survive a PR disaster by aggressively recalling the product and creating safer, more secure packaging. (It’s an oft-used example of how to survive a crisis.)
  • Recent developments The FBI searched the Cambridge, Mass. home of James W. Lewis, who sent an extortion letter to the company and was sent to prison. He was never charged in the killings but was always considered a prime suspect. Due to renewed attention after its 25th anniversary, a number of tips led authorities to a major break in the case. source