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20 Jun 2011 22:38

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Offbeat: Scientists make beef substitute out of human feces

  • Every once in a while, we catch wind of a story so self-evidently absurd that it completely immunizes itself to satire. While we’d love to make a joke about the fact that scientists have now found a way to turn human feces into meat, there’s really no point. It’d be like doing an impression of Charlie Sheen and expecting it to be funnier than just watching an interview of Charlie Sheen. We will, however, note that the synthetic meat, which they tastefully refer to as a “turdburger,” is lower in fat than real beef. [hat-tip: io9] source

04 Mar 2011 01:46

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Offbeat: “Heart Attack Grill” ironically loses spokesperson to “mild death”

  • Protip to all greasy burger joints: If you want to promote your product, you probably shouldn’t use an incredibly fat guy to satirically promote a “diet” designed around gluttonous pursuits, and then suggest that said diet might lead to “mild death.” Which is why we’re writing about our boy Blair River right now. Yes, he died. It was sad. He was only 29. While it’s rumored it was because of flu/pneumonia symptoms, everyone is going to think his weight – 575 pounds on a 6-foot-8 frame – had something to do with it, even if it didn’t. Which, as an end effect, may lead the Heart Attack Grill to lose a few customers. To put it lightly. (thanks nhaler) source

01 Sep 2010 10:44

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Biz: Burger King to potential owners: Have it your way

  • The fast-food chain of late has been struggling. Why’s that, you ask? Well, its base market of young males has been one of the hardest-hit during the recession, meaning (despite its often immaculate advertising) it’s been underperforming compared to McDonald’s and other fast-food chains. So the company, which has been publicly-traded for just a few years, is considering a sale. They’ve already talked with some buyers. No word on how much they’ll customize the not-broken model after they sell. source

28 May 2010 19:31

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Biz: Indulgent burger joints like Five Guys apparently recession-proof

  • Five guys: The presidential sealBoth Barack and Michele Obama have been seen noshing on burgers from Five Guys, the 600-strong national chain that prides itself in really good burgers and fries. Too good in fact, some might argue.
     

    Part of a larger trendEven though Fuddruckers is in the midst of a bankruptcy and the economy in general is tanking, Five Guys is reflecting a trend towards bigger, better burgers. In fact, it’s one of the only growing segments of the restaurant industry. Maybe McDonald’s should consider bringing back the Arch Deluxe. source

21 May 2010 22:50

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Biz: Burger King’s franchisees: A $1 double cheeseburger can ruin us!

  • action In an attempt to stay competitive, Burger King adds a $1 cheeseburger to its value menu, which is a low margin. Consumers rejoice.
  • reaction Believing that the fast food chain made the change knowing it’d hurt them, franchises sue. Now a court says the suit can go forward. soruce

15 Sep 2009 10:15

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Biz: WE WANT BIGGER BURGERS (and smaller ones)

  • 47% of people want more burger choice; they heart red meat source

24 Mar 2009 09:50

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U.S.: The red meat: Eat too many burgers, you die sooner.

A new study says too much red meat is bad for you. Duh. source