• 431 Sunni men were subjected to awful conditions in the prison
• 100+ men were reportedly tortured in the prison, and had injuries
• no Iraqi prime minister
  Nouri Maliki didn’t know about it source

• 9.8% dip in price just this
  morning alone source

• The senator reportedly said “tough #*@(” to another senator criticizing him. Last night, the lame duck Senator (and former baseball star) complained about missing a basketball game because he wanted to block extending unemployment benefits that much. He’s the only Senator holding up the bill. Why? He says that there’s no way to pay for it. Come on. This is NOT the bill to be playing politics on, man. source

• 6.3 million long-term unemployed as of January; Jesus source

• Did they steal some of their melodies from The Shaggs? Final Placement isn’t sure what they want to be, or sound like, but they certainly know how to suck. There’s a little Nickelback, a bit of Default, a lot of earnestness, and even more Jesus going on in the mix here. The leg-kicking in unison around the 1:15 mark is pretty, uh, awesome, too. (Update: Reposted for the Monday morning crew. Enjoy, guys.)

• He grabs my shoulder .. and I just react BOOM get off me! He put a condor grip on me. What am I supposed to do?
• LMFAO rapper Sky Blu • Regarding the Mitt Romney airplane incident where Romney reportedly got attacked by someone on an airplane. That someone was reportedly Sky Blu. LMFAO, who sucks so much that they can be put into the same sentence as Cisco Adler, is a shit-hop group. Yeah, that’s right, we called it shit-hop. What are you gonna do about it? Anyway, here’s the video of them explaining exactly what they say happened. Sky Blu claims Romney, that conservative icon, drew first blood. We hope he did. LOL. source

• Everything we expected, and less. Tiger Woods’ airtight public relations machine wanted to make sure nothing fell apart in his statement, and, yeah, it didn’t. But we also learned that they’ve learned nothing from this situation and are treating it just like everything else since the scandal broke. Leave your boy airtight guys. Let’s see how much it helps his rep. Here’s a recap and analysis of what he said:

Key phrase from the statement

• I ask you to find room in your heart to one day believe in me again.
• Tiger Woods • At the end of his public statement, which was perhaps the least-riveting piece of live TV we’ve ever seen. The lack of excitement on Woods’ face was visible – and then some. After he said this, he hugged his mom, who also looked very unhappy to be there. He didn’t veer off the script one bit.

Five things we learned from the statement:

• 1st The press has been stalking his wife and kids; that’s not nice, paparazzi!
• 2nd He could return to golf as soon as this year, but maybe not. It’s up in the air.
• 3rd He doesn’t plan to bring up his many mistresses by name, based on today.
• 4th Elin Nordegren didn’t hit him, apparently, as famously thought. He flatly denied it.
• 5th Tiger is still a Buddhist, but he fell away from his religion over the last few years.

Three things to take from this statement:

• Tiger’s PR still sucks This was such a controlled event that you could tell Woods would’ve snapped like a twig if he turned the wrong way. The lack of questions from the press is complete bull. His handlers are handling him way too tightly, leaving no room at all.
• nothing’s gonna change “These are issues between a husband and a wife.” Woods isn’t going to let go of his privacy after the mea culpa, which is a huge mistake on his part, because it means these questions will continue to dog him forever.
• Mobile mea culpa We watched this statement live from our iPhone using the CNN app and it allowed us to live-tweet the story with little trouble. Our society is in a great place if we can watch a man’s life fall apart live on a mobile phone. source

• great The iPad’s 3G models will be sold reportedly unlocked, which means you should be able to use someone other than AT&T if you want.
• terrible However, the iPad uses a new micro SIM format, which is incompatible with the iPhone. Well, that’s just friggin’ lame. Bad Apple! source

• 50k bodies have already been collected by the Haitian government
• 40k bodies have been placed in mass graves, which is just awful
• 200k people could be dead, but the exact number will be elusive source