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15 Jul 2009 10:33


Offbeat: A snap analysis of the ten names most likely to turn boys bad

This is a stupid list. Unspeakably idiotic. Let us just preface with that. But apparently, some researchers did some research and said that boys with these names faced more difficulty through life, would more likely face workplace discrimination and would find themselves on the wrong side of the law more often. So, here goes. Remember, stupid list:
  • 1. Alec: Because, clearly, guys with French-sounding names are more likely to be trailer trash.
    2. Ernest: I’m currently pulling your hair or giving you a swirlie. I haven’t decided which yet.
    3. Garland: It’s not the kid who’s the bad egg. It’s the mother who named him.
    4. Ivan: Terrible name. Just terrible.
    5. Kareem: We’re sure Mr. Abdul-Jabbar would disagree with you on this statement.
    6. Luke: Can you really blame him for being a bad egg? He didn’t even know how bad a guy his father was until “Empire.”
    7. Malcolm: He’s currently in the middle of a transition from child-acting roles to adulthood, and we’re sure Frankie Muniz recently robbed a bank.
    8. Preston: Every preppy dude we couldn’t stand, ever, was named Preston.
    9. Tyrell: Like the other names on this list, when we think of Tyrell, we think “evil incarnate.”
    10. Walter: How could you leave us here so long with Uncle Walter?source