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01 Dec 2009 20:17


Biz: We’d like to announce our candidacy for GM’s open CEO position

  • Dear rich people, we think we’d be a perfect fit for you. General Motors has had an incredibly rough last twelve months or so (though they’re recovering). Between a bankruptcy and a watchdog federal government, they’ve had zero room for error. And now their nine-month-old CEO, Frederick “Fritz” Henderson, is retiring. We smell a job opening! Here are three reasons GM should hire us as CEO:
  • Fresh bloodWe’re not the old guard, General Motors. We don’t do (#&@ the old way. In fact, we have no clue what the old way was! When we step into Fritz Henderson’s dusty old office (after having an exterminator go in and check for termites and bailout money), we plan on running the company as if we don’t know what we’re doing. But we do!
  • cars with brevity Here at ShortFormBlog, we know a thing or two about keeping things short and efficient. And we know that the government is on your back about creating more efficient cars. We plan on bringing our blogging technology to General Motors, and we’re going to upgrade the engines from internal combustion to WordPress. Thank us later, guys.
  • Family reunionWe know some of your old workers aren’t happy with you – all those layoffs, the concessions you forced the United Auto Workers to take, the outsourcing – and we plan to make it up to them, using the only method we know how – we’ll move them out of Michigan and put them in a state that isn’t a black hole of depression. Sound fair? source